Advice To Young Men Who Would Be Pleased By The Company Of Young Women

I've neglected this blog, but what the hell: About a week ago, I was at Kroger. It was a Thursday night (party night for your suitcase college attendees), and I passed these two young men in the parking lot. It was a brisk fall night, so there was no reason for me to smell them as I passed ten feet away.

But I did. They were both wearing...uh, not A&F, but American Eagle pseudo-retro-wear, and their impeccably cut hair was gelled and coiffed to a fare-thee-well. They were smug; looked like they were slumming in the 'hood.

They must have bought the Axe Body Spray crap lock, stock, and barrel, because this oily cloud of douchiness engulfed me as I passed them. I wanted to tell them, "No! Stop! You reek!" But they would have blown me off as some old broad.

We ladyfolk learned that lesson back in the '70s and '80s. Remember Jean Naté? I still have a bottle of it because it allegedly freaks cats out, and if you spray it on your sofa, they won't claw it. I don't think that's true, but it's nice to think that our feline friends have more discerning tastes than people who would wear Jean Naté.

I was appalled by the body spray phenomenon (which I think started with Love, specifically their "Body Soft," which smelled like toilet paper).

Any scent that's dispensed in aerosol form is inherently trashy.

Those boys in the Kroger parking lot were adorable, and their own soapy-fresh boy-musk would have been heady enough for any girl. But noooo! They had to spray themselves with cheap perfume and propellants!

Would that propellants become repellants.

Does anybody want to schtup these guys? If so, how do they stop the watering of their eyes?

We Are Douchebags - watch more funny videos

Well, everything sucks.

Except this picture of John Barrowman.

“It's like having Barbie represent women”

From Nightline (yes, that Nightline):

Former child star Kirk Cameron and his evangelist colleague Ray Comfort had pledged to prove the existence of God, scientifically. Cameron and Comfort run an organization called the Way of the Master, which comprises a Web site and cable television show, all focused on preaching what they say is the truth of Christianity....

They were confronted by the might of the "rational response squad" in the form of unabashed atheists Brian Sapient and his comrade, a woman who goes by the name of Kelly. They had been included in a previous "Nightline" report, telling the story of the Blasphemy Challenge in which they invited atheists to deny the existence of the Holy Spirit by posting videotaped denunciations on their Web site.

Comfort and Cameron make videos where they use bananas and peanut butter to "prove the existence of God."

The stupid! It buuuuuurns! (H/T to PJ over at Not the Mad Priest's place for the title.)

Regret This!

Y'know, I was thinking about that idiotic Supreme Court decision about late-term abortion, and it struck me that Justice Kennedy said that because some women regret having had an abortion, it should be outlawed.

That is the biggest crock of shit, y'all. Have you ever made a major purchase? A house, a car, a large appliance? A week later, you were convinced you'd made the biggest boner of your life, weren't you?

So I guess we'll be outlawing Realtors®, car dealerships, and HH Gregg next, right?

Didn't think so.

Bizarre

Mike Daisey is a monologuist and author. At a recent performance, a "Christian" group staged a protest by walking out of the performance and dumping water on his notes. They didn't say who they were, and they wouldn't stay to talk with him.

As it turns out, they were visiting from out of town and had bought the tickets without knowing what the show was like. Now, I can understand their wanting to leave when they heard a few f-bombs and found out what they were in for, especially since the group was made up of high school kids. But did they really need to be disruptive and destructive? How is that Christian?

And what about the chaperones' responsibility to do some fucking research and find out what kind of show they were taking the kids to? What a bunch of self-righteous assholes.

A Boob For All Seasons

When I think what this little shitstain tried to do to the Justice Department, I keep remembering this scene from A Man For All Seasons:

William Roper: So, now you give the Devil the benefit of law!
Sir Thomas More: Yes! What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?
William Roper: Yes, I'd cut down every law in England to do that!
Sir Thomas More: Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned ’round on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country is planted thick with laws, from coast to coast, Man's laws, not God's! And if you cut them down, and you're just the man to do it, do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake!

Sweet Chocolate Jesus

These people are insane.